Our conception of the family unit has undergone revolutionary changes in the last few years. It should come as no surprise that norms of today often stand in stark contrast to the family unit of Biblical and Talmudic times, descriptions of which are spelled out both explicitly and implicitly in Masechet Ketubot. As we learn Ketubot, there is much occasion to discuss how these traditional norms are to be applied--or not--in our most modern societies.
The Torah understood that one who was raped or seduced would have a difficult time finding a marriage partner. The woman was given the option, if she so chose, to demand that the rapist or seducer marry her. (In the case of the seducer, he had the right to refuse, in which case he would instead have to pay a fine.) While it is hard to imagine today that any woman would want to have anything to do with one who raped her--other than seeing him in jail--the Torah allows for exceptions. It is even possible that this would make a person think twice before raping a woman, knowing he may have to marry her. And unlike standard Biblical law, which allows for divorce--even against the wishes of the wife--the rapist may not divorce his wife without her consent. Strange to us, but less so in historic context.
On a less grave and much more "mundane" issue, in Talmudic times it was self evident that the family was to be viewed as one unit financially. All income earned by anyone in the family was to flow into one "account", with the head of the household, i.e., the husband, responsible for support of the family (Ketubot 47b). Unlike what is recommended (likely for good reason) by marriage councilors today, there were no separate bank accounts for husband and wife. The husband was responsible for the support of his family, regardless of whether the wife chose to work or not--something that was at her discretion. She could stay at home but, if she chose to work, her money would go to the general family account.
Yet, in what was revolutionary for its time, our Sages declared that a wife could claim her income for herself, provided she relieved her husband of any financial responsibility to provide for her (Ketubot 58b). That the woman is to always gain financially from marriage is also seen in a most interesting law that states, "She goes up with him, but does not go down with him" (Ketubot 48a). If a man comes from a wealthy family, he must support his wife as befits the wealthy. He may not provide for her in the (lesser) manner to which she was accustomed. However, if it was she who came from the wealthy family, the husband, despite his more limited means, must support his wife in the manner to which she was accustomed--something that is likely to put a strain on the marriage. Our rabbis well understood that in most situations, one should marry someone in a similar socio-economic class.
In any event, it was the needs and desires of the wife that took precedence. With Pesach around the corner, it is worth reminding ourselves of the requirement for a man to buy his wife (or let her buy for herself) a new dress for each of the three pilgrim festivals (Pesachim 109a). And only after they are paid for may the husband purchase a suit for himself.
In addition to receiving the family's earnings as the support of the family, the Gemara notes other "reciprocal" rights. In light of his obligation to pay for his wife's funeral expenses - as Abraham did for Sarah - the husband has the right to inherit the dowry she brings with her to the marriage. The husband must also ransom his wife should she be taken captive--a not unheard of eventuality--and is therefore entitled to the use of her personal assets which she brought into the marriage and which did not form part of the dowry(Ketubot 47b).
For some, this legislating of marital assets might seem superfluous and certainly unromantic. And in some marriages, that is undoubtedly true. Financial decisions are jointly and peacefully agreed upon, without recourse to legal codes. Yet it is well known that the number one issue couples argue about is money. Even in good solid marriages, there are bound to be differences of opinion in spending priorities. By setting out guidelines, our Sages not only hope to promote shalom bayit, but to delineate the financial priorities of a family.
