When trying to properly understand something context is crucial. Torah is no different. A proper understanding of Torah requires a proper analysis of not only what it says but where it says it. Context is so important that the rabbis, especially in sefer Devarim, use it to derive Jewish law. The curious juxtaposition of the mitzvah of tzizit and the prohibition of wearing a garment of wool and linen, sha’atnez, (Devarim 22:10-11) led the rabbis to rule that one may actually wear a a wool garment with linen tzizit attached despite it being sha’atnez.
Equally, if not more, important are the moral messages the Torah subtly, and not so subtly, imparts by its structure and placement of law and narrative. To cite just some of the numerous examples found in this week's parsha. The obligation to give the proper share of inheritance (even) to the child of your “hated” wife (Devarim 21:16); to give a proper burial (even) to a convicted criminal (Devarim 21:23); the obligation to maintain proper sanitary conditions (even) in a war camp (Devarim 23:14); and the juxtaposition of the obligation to have honest weights and the command to remember what Amalek tried to do to us. In other words the Torah often places laws in contexts where they are least expected, most easily ignored but most important to observe[1].
A fascinating example of the Torah's presentation of its value system is the institution of marriage, something we take as the ideal but today seen by many as just one of many legitimate lifestyle choices. Relations between a man and a woman are actually presented in many contexts in our parshaalmost all from a “negative” perspective.
The parsha opens up with the captured women of war whom a soldier wants to marry and immediately follows with a man who has two wives "one whom he loves and one whom he hates”. We read about a man who marries a woman and “cohabits with her and hates her and invents charges against her” (Devarim 22:13-14). The Torah presents us with rape and a listing of those whom we may not marry, prohibits prostitution (Devarim 23:18), lists the laws of divorce (Devarim 24:1) and details the mitzvot of yibum and chalitzah with a childless widow.
Only the command that a newlywed husband “remain free for his family for one year [so he can] rejoice with his bride” (Devarim 24:5) actually presents marriage in a positive light and even in this case the context is the exemption from army service for our new groom.
Missing from all this is any actual mitzvah to marry. Such a concept is derived by the rabbis from the wording of laws of divorce[2]. From the sad situation of divorce our rabbis derive how one is to marry.
Even the obligation to provide one's wife with food, clothing and conjugal rights is derived indirectly from a master's obligation to his maidservant (Shemot 21:10). This presentation, or shall we say non-presentation, of marriage seems quite odd and one I find perplexing.
Perhaps the Torah is hinting that marital problems are part and parcel of the human condition. We unfortunately should not think that rape, unfaithfulness, divorce and unhappiness in marriage are new problems. The Torah wants us to grow from negative experiences or better yet to learn from the mistakes of others.
A man may capture a woman at war but through that he must learn to control his desires and to learn to treat the captive with sensitivity. One may have a spouse one does not like but one must not take that out hatred on the children. Divorce may be necessary - “he finds immorality on her part” (Devarim 24:1) - but not if it is to see if he can “do better”. Once she remarries “then her first husband can not remarry her” (Devarim 24:4). There may be a war raging but a nation can only be as strong as its family life and the newlywed serves his country more by solidifying his marriage[3]. Tragedy may strike a young couple but the widow should not be abandoned by her dead husband's family.
A good marriage is something that takes much hard work and effort. Even the best of marriages will have difficult moments. We have to search hard to find that ideal marriage, but it is lurking beneath the surface. By deriving those lessons between the lines, we can merit that “he may rejoice with his bride” not just for one, but for many years.
[1] As for the juxtaposition of honest weights and Amalek let us quote Rashi: “If you have lied regarding weights and measures you should worry about the roar of the enemy”. For further discussion of this powerful teaching please see here.
[2] The halachic authorities debate whether marriage is actually an independent mitzva or rather a condition necessary in order to fulfill other mitzvoth.
[3] The Talmud notes that this is only so in an 'optional war'. But in an obligatory war "all go forth, even a bridegroom from his room and a bride from her bridal-chamber" (Mishna Sotah 8:7).
