Yaakov Avinu is finally heading home. Instead of feelings of intense joy he is nervous. After 20 years plus we too would be nervous coming home. His mother had said she would call for him in “a few days”, after Eisav’s anger at Yaakov for having stolen the blessings had subsided. But those few days turned into 20 years and still no word. Was Eisav still angry? Was his mother even alive?
Yaakov sends an advance party to find out. The messengers came back with a report that Eisav is marching with 400 people and the assumption – or shall we say misassumption – is that Eisav is coming to attack Yaakov. “Then Jacob was greatly afraid and was distressed” (Breisheet 32:8).
Yaakov was afraid he was going to die. He had vowed that “If G-d will be with me, and will keep me in this way that I go, and will give me bread to eat, and raiment to put on, so that I come back to my father’s house in peace then shall the Lord be my G-d, and this stone, which I have set up for a pillar, shall be G-d’s house; and of all that You shalt give me I will surely give the tenth to You” (Breisheet 28:20-22).Yaakov feared the if would not become a when, and he would not make it home.
Eisav had threatened to kill Yaakov “when the days of mourning for my father draw near, I will then kill my brother Jacob” (Breisheet 27:41). Apparently that day had now arrived and Eisav was making good on his promise. Accompanied by 400 men there was little hope Yaakov could survive a frontal battle. He was understandably afraid he would die, and distressed because this must mean that Yitzchak had died.
Yet Rashi, quoting our Midrashic Sages, explains that Yaakov was distressed for a different reason, namely that he would have to kill Eisav. He might be killed but if not, that would only be because he managed to kill Eisav before Eisav could kill him. What a powerful and beautiful message. How tragic, and tragically all too common, when one must kill to save one’s life[1]. That apparently troubled him more than what he must have imagined to be the death of his father.
This approach follows in the Divine path. Immediately after Unetaneh Tokef, perhaps the most powerful plea of the High Holiday season, we proclaim that G-d “does not desire the death of those [deserving to] die but that he turn from his evil ways and live”.
It could very well be that this attitude – so difficult in practice – impacted on Eisav. The Torah does not tell us why Eisav was travelling with 400 men. The messengers Yaakov sent came back with a report that they were coming likratecha, to call upon you. We do not know if the messengers actually inquired of Eisav as to why he was marching with 400 men or they just assumed he was coming towards Yaakov. Nor do we know what such a “calling” might entail. Did they tell Yaakov it was for war or was that just something Yaakov assumed? The Torah, as is its wont, is silent on all these (and many other questions), allowing and demanding we read the story from many angels.
What we do know is that Yaakov was afraid and assumed the worst. And we also know that the worst did not happen. “Eisav ran to meet him. He hugged him and fell on his neck and kissed him and they cried” (Breisheet 33:4). As Rashi notes, seeing “Yaakov prostrate himself to the earth seven times, until he approached his brother”, Eisav realized his brother sought peace.
Our rabbis (as is their wont) debate whether this was a sincere kiss or not. Yet even Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai, who argues that “Eisav hates Yaakov”, concedes that “at that moment his pity was really aroused and he kissed him with his whole heart”. We may not be able to convince Eisav to love Yaakov, but if we demonstrate a desire for peace, making clear how painful it may be to have to hurt, or kill others, even if such be necessary, maybe just maybe Eisav may not hate Yaakov.
While Yaakov may have influenced Eisav, he had less influence on his own children. Responding to the rape of Dinah, Shimon and Levi negotiated with mirmah[2], deceit, what we might call bad faith. They said that if the local people circumcised, they would “become one nation” (34:16) with them, about as blatant a lie as one can imagine. That lie allowed the brothers to wipe out the whole city. Yaakov never forgave his children and even on his deathbed some 50 years later he cursed them.
Shimon’s descendants seemed to have learned little from the mistakes of their founding father. It was they who participated in the harlotry with the daughters of Moav (see Bamidbar 24). Their leader Zimri publicly sinned and 24,000 people, mainly if not exclusively[3] from the tribe of Shimon, were killed. Moshe On his deathbed, Moshe refuses to bless the tribe of Shimon.
On a more positive note, the tribe of Levi did an about-face and became the tribe that would become the redeemers and teachers of the Jewish people. They would be the ones to serve in Temple. Aharon “who loved peace and ran after peace” would become the first Kohen, a subset of Levi’im[4]. No longer would they speak deceitfully. “The law of truth was in his mouth, And unrighteousness was not found in his lips; He walked with Me in peace and uprightness, And did turn many away from iniquity. For the priest’s lips should keep knowledge, and they should seek the law at his mouth; For he is the messenger of the Lord of hosts” (Malachai 2:7).
[1] I cannot help but think of Golda Meir’s famous quote, “We can forgive the Arabs for killing our children. We cannot forgive them for forcing us to kill their children”. At the same time she said, "We will only have peace with the Arabs when they love their children more than they hate us”. Sadly, very little has changed in the nearly 50 years since her death.
[2] Interestingly, when Eisav comes to get his blessing Yitzchak tells him that Yaakov came with mirmah, and already took the blessings.
[3] At the first census as the Jewish people were meant to enter the Land the tribe of Shimon numbered 59.300. 40 years later they numbered only 22,200.
[4] Yet at the same time the Leviim first learned to channel their violent tendencies in a more positive way. Moshe killed the Egyptian, and the tribe of Levi killed 3,000 of their brothers who worshiped the golden calf. Sometimes one must go to war.